WAZZOCKSEND
Roy Bateman's website

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METROPOLITAN BOROUGH OF WAZZOCKS END COUNCIL

A PICTORIAL HISTORY OF WAZZOCKS END

HUMOROUS FICTION

DRAMATIC FICTION

NEW FICTION

OTHER LINKS

AND DON'T MISS OUR SISTER SITE...

THE GOBBING GUARDIAN


































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MY GUESTBOOK
Hello there. Whether by serendipity or - more likely - sheer mischance, you’ve arrived at Wazzocksend. Though it’s been going for a few years now, this is a completely new homepage. With this revamp, I’ve taken the opportunity to clear out the short stories and articles on-site and add loads of newer ones to the most-visited of the previous material.
It’s all fairly self-explanatory: there’s a page linking you to humorous stories and articles, another to some darker and more dramatic tales, often with a twist. A new feature is a selection of original fiction and articles - pieces not yet posted anywhere else. These will change regularly. There’s also a page of links to various other sites - some writers’ sites, some other individual writers such as myself, and quite a few oddities that I just thought I’d chuck in.
I must also point out that I (somewhat reluctantly) share my site with that august and respected institution, the Metropolitan Borough of Wazzocks End, which somehow forgot to commission a website of its own. Now, it’s not that I actually agree with the council’s arbitrary and ruthless style of government, you understand, it’s simply that I don’t need any unexpected midnight visits from Rockard Security. Those who desire further knowledge will find the appropriate links on this page.
Also, you’ll be able to keep up to date with all the news by consulting Wazzocks End’s freesheet, the Gobbing Guardian - famed throughout the county for its chip-insulating qualities - along with its TV, advice and advertising supplements. Another new addition is the Guardian Good Pub Guide.
For years, the Guardian’s booze hounds (Sorry, that should be news hounds. Oh, perhaps not…) have acquired a fearsome reputation for ferreting out the truth and then stoutly ignoring it. Still, you might get a chuckle…
Finally, I’d like to thank The Boss - my wife, Chris, who has far more patience with this techie stuff than I do. Why this can’t leap straig
ht onto your screen, I’ll never understand. So, thanks again for dropping by - I hope you find something that makes it worth your while!
"You can't trust anyone in times like these, Ruth - it just might be the last thing you ever do..."

When the enigmatic Jack Barnard, apparently a civilian engineer, arrives at a sleepy seaside guesthouse in the miserable winter of 1941, things begin to change rapidly for everyone...
OPERATION REMBRANDT
is a WW2 - set thriller, designed to tease and fascinate the reader - is Jack the only one who may not be all he appears to be? And, just who is the mysterious Greenwood?

OPERATION REMBRANDT
is published by PublishAmerica
(289 pp) and is available from them, Amazon or any book shop.
ISBN No.1413701701









Any comments?
Yes, I bet...anyway,
if you have anything to say about either of the sites you can contact me
HERE
FORTHCOMING ATTRACTIONS ON WAZZOCKSEND!
 You could win...
A half-hour trolley dash round Tesbury's "sell by last week" section!*
A member of the Royal Family! Yours to keep forever!**
A night out with a GENUINE pop star - choose from a  stimulating evening discussing Hegelian Theory with Robbie Williams, OR take a very personal tour of Hampstead Heath with George Michael - if you dare!  


Maxie says: "Hey! Pretty impressive stuff, eh? I'm not missing prizes like  THESE!" 
THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE -
Somewhere on this site is hidden a weapon of  mass  destruction - find it and win!
(Time limit:  45  minutes.)
Choose - your own weight in pickled onions OR  a  Pratforth's Pies Luxury Hamper every year  for life! OR take an exciting timeshare opportunity -  the second week of February or the last week  of November in a de-luxe one-bedroom mobile  home, only ten minutes from the toilet block.***
Winner chooses between  sun-drenched,
secluded Canvey Island  and the scenic,
sub-tropical Lincolnshire coast!


*Employees of the "Guardian", the Council and Mr Ted "Jumbo" Gobthwaite of 32 Viaduct Terrace are specifically excluded from entry.
** May include corgis or possibly minor foreign royals. Prize may not be alive. Winner collects.
***"Ten minutes" refers to professional athletes only: pensioners or those with gastric infirmities might wish to allow considerably longer. 
And finally  - I'd like to give grateful plugs to nVu, on which these sites were constructed, the Firefox FTP tool, which was just so easy to use, Statcounter for the counters and Smartgb.com for the guestbook.